I didn’t go to the gym tonight. Instead I stayed in and made my food for the week. I made gluten free pasta bake, I have it planned to last me 7days. But I expect I’ll eat too much and it will be gone by Wednesday.
I write this as I’m sitting on my bathroom floor post vomit. I wouldn’t say I’m bulimic, I only do it at night when I’ve binged on food. I eat too much then I feel really nauseous and in pain until I throw up.
I don’t know why I eat. I’m not hungry or bored. It’s like I am not in control, the whole time I feel like I’m screaming to stop eating the food, yet the whole time my hands are reaching for the next piece.
This is something I want to tackle. I tried going to therapy a while ago but I just couldn’t tell someone how I felt. I spent the whole time underplaying this. I think it’s getting worse.
I know I don’t do it as much when I workout and occupy myself. That’s my action plan.
Apart from the binge today was a good day. I felt confident.
Tomorrow will be better.